So I've been thinking lately.

[ATL_Predator+ 1,196]

Scary thought. I know.

 

I've been thinking a lot lately.

 

As many of you may know, I've been going through a bit of a rough patch in life. If you want to know details you can PM me, but to sum things up, I was cheated on after a relationship of 3 and a half years.

 

I want to know...

 

How many of you have been cheated on...and how did you get over it? I've been cheated on before, but this time was a little different when you buy a ring. I just want to get some general feedback on how you guys have dealt with things of this nature.

 

 

[Turry 755]

In my and first important and serious relationship I was cheated on multiple times without knowing tillwe broke up. I had feelings and they were right. How I got over it? Time there is no quick fix to shit like this you need time. I had time and got the balls to message a girl who had a crush on me in high school and I liked her. Now things are great it feels like I was always meant to be with her. but ya man just need time.

[SteelersNation36 128]

I was cheated on after being in a relationship of 4 or so years. That was so long ago now. I don't know, I kind of just stopped loving her and started hating her, I was an idiot and tried to give her a second chance and she did it again. This was a person I picked up and moved 8 hours away from my friends and family in Ohio to live in Virginia for. You just learn from it and move on from it ( Ya I know, real insightful) If she loved you she wouldn't have cheated and honestly its better you found out now who she was than after you put the ring on.

 

Don't hate her anymore, life is too short for that. I still don't care for her and the thing I miss the most is my "niece" and "nephew" I gained from the relationship. Her nehpew was like 2 when I moved there and her niece was born shortly after. Her younger brother is still one of my best friends to this day.

 

It definitely affected my next relationship, I would doubt things and i'd have to stop myself and just step back and re think anything I was going to say or do before I made myself look like an ass.

 

This isn't really helping you, i'm kind of just rambling lol....but ya

[BwareDWare94 723]

I've never had a relationship that lasted that long, and I've never been technically cheated on, but I have somewhat dated a girl on and off over a 6 month period (references my situation last year, if you remember that thread), a girl who saw everything I did as an attempt to apply labels to the relationship and flat out continued to tell me that she wasn't up for anything serious. I wasn't trying to label it, or pressure her, or anything. We didn't even talk every day, but she didn't care enough about me to just be honest instead of using a distancing mechanism just so she could use me when she wanted to. It ended in her practically crying on the other end of the phone line saying she couldn't handle anything established/mutual with everything else going on in her life.

 

She then proceeded to become mutual with another guy who she married just over six months after me and her had routinely sucked face and gotten really intimate in her apartment (pretty much a weekly thing).

The point I'm trying to get to is that this girl forced me to invent an acronym that I now live by when it comes to women and dating. She was a WOYDT (Waste of Your Damn Time).

 

Sounds like that's what your dealing with right now, a classic WOYDT.

Now, when you've been in an established relationship for as long as you were, had gotten to the point that you intended to spend your life with that person, it's obvious that getting over it and moving on with your life (especially with the added element of her cheating) is going to take some time.

I think the place you need to start (if you haven't done this already) is cutting ties with this woman. If she was capable of hurting you like that as a fiancee/girlfriend, she's capable of hurting you as a friend, too, and therefore she's a Waste of Your Damn Time. That's the place to start, if you haven't already. That separation is the first step to accepting that those things happened and that there's nothing you can do about them, so your only option is to move on.

Severing ties can be hard, but infidelity is one of the best reasons to do so, and I hope you don't put up with this girl being a part of your life anymore.

 

There will be another one, and soon, and she'll be better. Just concentrate on that and have faith, my friend.

 

PS: the best part of deciding to sever ties is that you get to ignore her every time she tries to re-enter your life, in some fashion. They realize they fucked up, and it's very gratifying to just ignore them every time they text, call, FB, or whatever.

Edited April 20, 2014 by BwareDWare94

[ATL_Predator+ 1,196]

I've never had a relationship that lasted that long, and I've never been technically cheated on, but I have somewhat dated a girl on and off over a 6 month period (references my situation last year, if you remember that thread), a girl who saw everything I did as an attempt to apply labels to the relationship and flat out continued to tell me that she wasn't up for anything serious. I wasn't trying to label it, or pressure her, or anything. We didn't even talk every day, but she didn't care enough about me to just be honest instead of using a distancing mechanism just so she could use me when she wanted to. It ended in her practically crying on the other end of the phone line saying she couldn't handle anything established/mutual with everything else going on in her life.

 

She then proceeded to become mutual with another guy who she married just over six months after me and her had routinely sucked face and gotten really intimate in her apartment (pretty much a weekly thing).

 

The point I'm trying to get to is that this girl forced me to invent an acronym that I now live by when it comes to women and dating. She was a WOYDT (Waste of Your Damn Time).

 

Sounds like that's what your dealing with right now, a classic WOYDT.

 

Now, when you've been in an established relationship for as long as you were, had gotten to the point that you intended to spend your life with that person, it's obvious that getting over it and moving on with your life (especially with the added element of her cheating) is going to take some time.

 

I think the place you need to start (if you haven't done this already) is cutting ties with this woman. If she was capable of hurting you like that as a fiancee/girlfriend, she's capable of hurting you as a friend, too, and therefore she's a Waste of Your Damn Time. That's the place to start, if you haven't already. That separation is the first step to accepting that those things happened and that there's nothing you can do about them, so your only option is to move on.

 

Severing ties can be hard, but infidelity is one of the best reasons to do so, and I hope you don't put up with this girl being a part of your life anymore.

 

There will be another one, and soon, and she'll be better. Just concentrate on that and have faith, my friend.

 

PS: the best part of deciding to sever ties is that you get to ignore her every time she tries to re-enter your life, in some fashion. They realize they fucked up, and it's very gratifying to just ignore them every time they text, call, FB, or whatever.

 

I have severed all ties...it's a scary thing though.

 

She was my best friend. I had other friends, but honestly, they had all really fallen away from me when I left for the Army..and now it's just like there's nobody left. I've never thought I'd be in this situation...but it's an awful feeling.

 

She hasn't texted me..but I have had my car keyed (a project car that is my pride and joy), the new bastard's father that she cheated on me with calling me and telling me not to talk to her and all this other bullshit. Even to the point where I've been threatened by numerous individuals that I have no idea who the fuck they are.

 

I agree that time is the answer, but to be very open. I lost a lot of sense of meaning/identity.

 

I'm really not trying to make this a pity ATL thread. I'm honestly just trying to get some advice.

 

I appreciate your posts MOTM...and the rambling SteelerNation. I may not of moved to another state for this girl..but I did many things for her that are still a major part of my life to this day.

[Turry 755]

You are also in your early 20's if I'm not wrong bro. You will meet a lot of people if your life who will have an effect whether its very good or bad just gotta roll with it. True friends will always stick by you know matter what.

[SteelersNation36 128]

Give this http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith/25_dating_advice.html a read

[Bucman 891]

Way to young to worry about some cunt imo. I've never been in your situation, so I can't feel your pain but you'll find someone better than her. Its better to find out early then get married to the broad.

[BC 331]

I know you wanted advice specific to cheating but after reading others' posts and being in the somber mood that I'm in, and it being Easter, I kinda felt led to write this. Disregard if it doesn't help.

 

 

 

Time away from sex/dating will probably do wonders. When my last one ended I really took a hard look at myself and realized I wasn't who somebody I was proud of and really just started taking time to work on myself. I also realized that if I needed somebody or sex with somebody to make me happy that I wasn't really happy to begin with which I was totally guilty of. From then on, when I met others who were happy or doing well from themselves, I really observed closely what they were doing and decided to redefine what living a happy life really meant based off what those people were doing who were inspiring me to do such things. This process really involves unlearning self-conceit and killing a lot of your previous habits in order to make room for newer ones, which can be frustrating because you want to achieve it all at once; you won't. That's exactly why others have mentioned that time is a required dimension to your personal recovery.

 

We can't all agree on the philosophies on what makes happiness, or even righteousness, because religion and family history will come into play and inevitably bring differences upon us. But defining what it is to oneself and staying true to it played a big part in it for me. I tried to just in general be nicer to people, stop with unhealthy substances, stop being a blatant asshole on here (improvements have happened but not fully accomplished), etc. 2013 in general was a good year for me, though I did pick weed back up because my boss at my marketing position I landed back in October was quite the degenerate who also made it known to me that he smoked weed and believed it helped people function. He was also a complete degenerate who verbally abused me; told me on a weekly basis he would post my job on craigslist, and also would yell and curse at others on the job just to get himself past his own shortcomings. That was a bizarre situation which I put up with because I needed the experience, but I smoked weed every morning before work just so I could handle his verbal abuse everyday and shrug it off like it was no big deal. He terminated me via text message at the beginning of March to cover his own ass for a major communication mistake that he made with me.

 

To conclude that personal story of mine, it just goes to show that making change in your life is a gradual thing; not a single person has ever flipped a switch. However, because I began that process I stated in the first paragraph, and made really small and gradual changes, I eventually was able to successfully quit doing harmful & unhealthy things (that went against the philosophies of happiness I had built for myself) and started to be true to my foundation that I had built. But you can't ever forget that you're going to screw up. Bad situations can and will find you, such as a cheatin hoe, or in my case the verbally abusive supervisor. Things will cause you to make mistakes and stray from the gains you have made, but the gains don't vanish forever. And my personal example of that is, I quit weed once and was happy. I did it a couple days ago but I've proved I can quit, so I know I'll eventually be able to again.

 

All about building and re-enforcing your personal foundational values on a consistent basis. Since I know you're into fitness, the weightroom, protein shakes, supplements, etc were also very huge for me in acquiring happiness. The chemistry that whole process does to your body is absolutely 100% proven to help your emotional well-being, which is another key part to overall health and happiness. Don't make it the entirety of your personal foundational values, but use it to assist you along the way like you've done successfully in the past.

 

 

 

Edited April 20, 2014 by BC

[Omerta+ 1,206]

Ha man, I think everyone goes through this or will at some point unless they are the lucky select few I mean I know when it happened to me I was just like... this fucking bitch. I had bought a ring like you, put in new hardwood floors in her whole house, did a whole bunch of shit and then she leaves me a fucking letter on the table telling me to get the hell out.

 

At first I was all fucked up over it and what helped me was to realize that I did not really mean shit anyway. If I had she would not have been able to do the shit like she did. And then I thought about it (we were together a little over 3 years) and came to the conclusion that given the elapsed time in the grand scheme of things it is really like ten minutes out of your day when putting it in the context of your life. I am sure I will live relatively close to 50 years so that three years represents not even 8 percent of my life so I got the other 92 to be awesome. You will probably live longer so this for you is truly a blip on the radar. Right now it seems like everything but try removing yourself from it for a moment and look at it in the scope of life.

 

While you are being all objective and shit then think about who really lost out. I know it always provided me some comfort knowing that when life was all said and done I was going to have made myself into something and somebody worthy of respect from people who are close to me. It has not changed. I am far better than I was a week ago and light years beyond when I joined TGP. So really I lost nothing because skanks can be replaced on the daily. Real men cant. So ask yourself after looking at you and what you have going for you, who really lost what ?

 

As to your best friend, I am not sure how close you are to the cats in your unit but just know that, the dudes in your unit and the Army in general is the best brotherhood I have ever heard about and was lucky enough to be a part of. There are some dudes sitting in barracks or apartments right now going through some shit and all fucked up behind a woman, bring a 24 pack and just shoot the shit man. It will feel good to get some bro time, that said dont make it all weird and emotional with the obligatory "I love you bro" shit. Leave that to the eunuchs.

 

TL:DR, look at yourself and see who lost what ? drink a beer get through your wallowing as long as you are not there to long, regroup and keep trucking.

[BwareDWare94 723]

This is a tough lesson to employ, but I also have another bit of advice on the subject based on yours and Ngata's stories, in particular.

 

Don't make any kind of significant financial investments in a girl or her property before you have real commitment. Don't pay to fix shit in her house. Don't pay to fix her car. Don't agree to pay rent singularly. If you can do the labor, sure, but let her pay for parts or materials, at least. Unless you and her are the type of people who don't believe in marriage, avoid these situations. I've never even lent a girlfriend money.

 

Be helpful and observant, but don't just take care of shit for her.

 

(and get a goddamn blowjob out of it)

Doing those kinds of things for a girl creates almost too much stability for a relationship that hasn't yet resulted in long-term commitment. In other words, don't let her get comfortable with the idea that you won't leave her--then it's much easier for her to leave you. Commitment should happen before you take care of someone so thoroughly.

I know that sounds harsh to some people, as some people are naturally caregivers, but think about the amount of $ you might have wasted on girlfriends from the past. It ain't worth it.

 

Roses, dinners, holiday and birthday gifts, vacations--those are givens in any relationship. Don't do unnecessary shit. Even try to split vacation costs if at all possible.